Understanding Abandonment Issues
- Brian McCartney
- Apr 20
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 26
When Stability Breaks: Understanding Abandonment Issues and Their Roots in Early Childhood
We all want to feel safe, secure, and connected in our relationships. But for some, there’s a persistent fear that love won’t last—that people will leave, or that stability is always temporary.
This fear often stems not from who we are as adults, but from what we lived through as children.
The Roots of Abandonment
One key to understanding abandonment issues is to know that they rarely begin in adulthood. They are typically seeded in early childhood—a time when our subconscious mind is wide open, absorbing experiences and forming beliefs that will shape how we view the world and ourselves.
Instability during this period—such as:
Divorce or separation of caregivers
Frequent changes in residence
Death or loss of a close family member
Emotional unavailability of parents or caregivers
Parental addiction, illness, or absence
…can signal to a child’s mind that connection isn’t safe, or that the people we love eventually go away.
To the adult mind, these are explainable events. But to the subconscious mind of a child, they often translate into a belief like:
“It’s my fault.”“I’m not worth staying for.”“Nothing good lasts.”“Love always ends.”
How Childhood Instability Echoes Into Adult Relationships
A person who experienced abandonment early in life may:
Constantly fear being left or replaced
Struggle to fully trust or open up emotionally
Sabotage relationships before they get too serious
Cling too tightly or become overly accommodating
Feel unworthy of lasting love or stability
The most painful part? These patterns often create the very outcomes we’re afraid of.
If we subconsciously believe that all relationships end, our behavior may unconsciously invite those endings. We might push people away, become distant, or tolerate unhealthy dynamics. Sometimes, our partners reflect that same instability—mirroring back our own fears.
The fear of abandonment doesn’t just affect how we love.It affects who we choose, and what we allow.
The Self-Fulfilling Cycle
When we expect abandonment, we often act in ways that lead to it.
We may test our partners emotionally, seeking reassurance or provoking withdrawal.
We might settle for people who are emotionally unavailable, reinforcing the belief that love is out of reach.
Or we become so hypervigilant about losing someone that we never fully relax into connection.
It becomes a painful loop:We fear it → We expect it → We see signs of it → We act on that fear → It happens.
And each time it happens, the belief is reinforced.
Healing the Wound of Abandonment
The good news is: these patterns can be healed. But not by logic alone.
You can’t think your way out of a wound that was created before you could fully reason. Healing abandonment requires reaching the level of the subconscious—the place where those early beliefs still live.
This is where hypnotherapy becomes so powerful.
Through hypnosis, we can:
Revisit the formative moments of instability
Understand the emotional imprint those events left
Reassure the younger self that they were never to blame
Release the belief that love always ends
Build a new internal foundation of safety, self-worth, and stability
Hypnosis allows us to rewrite the narrative—not by denying what happened, but by offering a new meaning, a new sense of power, and a new expectation for love.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever wondered why you push people away, why you choose the ones who don’t stay, or why you feel anxious even in healthy relationships—you’re not broken. You’re protecting yourself the best way your younger self knew how.
But now, as an adult, you have the opportunity to choose differently—to create connection without fear, and relationships that don’t repeat old patterns.
And that starts with healing the original wound.
If you’re ready to explore how hypnotherapy can support that healing, I offer free consultations. You don’t have to do it alone.
Suggested Reading:
Comments